simple minded thoughts on life

Life is weird. I want to vent. I need to vent. But it might not be pretty... actually it won't be pretty, just like my ugly cry. I feel like I'm in middle school and I found out I wasn't invited to the party and I'm hurt and confused and embarrassed and frustrated and really, I'm heartbroken. I remember clearly years ago sitting and having coffee with a friend, back before kids, before Hawaii, back when we lived in LA... and she said to me, people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. That really stuck with me. Because it really is so true. When I meet people, I actually think of this. Sometimes the outcome is surprising.

Hawaii is such a weird place sometimes. Everyone that lives here knows how transient it is. People come and go like the tides. It can get really tough for us left behind, and I know it's hard for those leaving too. We left California, and left some really amazing people. But last year, I really really struggled with this. I went to therapy. I wanted to leave too. I felt like I had no one to talk to. But I did try. I felt replaced and that my friendship was disposable. And being an adult is weird like that. We all have our own lives, we're all busy with work, kids, school, LIFE. So when you find those few friends that stay (although I feel like no one is safe from the pull of the mainland), it's really something extra special. Until it's not. Until you're not. I'm still unpacking all of this. And most likely, this is what it'll be. And this is how life is, I guess. I think my takeaway is, no matter where we are in life, how "good" life is, or how much it looks like we have our shit together, we don't and we're not immune. Life happens. The world keeps spinning, we keep going about our day to day, because we have to.  Because adulting. And there are things that I need from Costco. But in the end, I'll work through these thoughts and feelings somehow. I'll channel this energy in some way. I'll pray about it. I'll call my mom. I'll probably cry. I'll run extra hard at the gym. But, this is life.