simple minded thoughts on life

Life is weird. I want to vent. I need to vent. But it might not be pretty... actually it won't be pretty, just like my ugly cry. I feel like I'm in middle school and I found out I wasn't invited to the party and I'm hurt and confused and embarrassed and frustrated and really, I'm heartbroken. I remember clearly years ago sitting and having coffee with a friend, back before kids, before Hawaii, back when we lived in LA... and she said to me, people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. That really stuck with me. Because it really is so true. When I meet people, I actually think of this. Sometimes the outcome is surprising.

Hawaii is such a weird place sometimes. Everyone that lives here knows how transient it is. People come and go like the tides. It can get really tough for us left behind, and I know it's hard for those leaving too. We left California, and left some really amazing people. But last year, I really really struggled with this. I went to therapy. I wanted to leave too. I felt like I had no one to talk to. But I did try. I felt replaced and that my friendship was disposable. And being an adult is weird like that. We all have our own lives, we're all busy with work, kids, school, LIFE. So when you find those few friends that stay (although I feel like no one is safe from the pull of the mainland), it's really something extra special. Until it's not. Until you're not. I'm still unpacking all of this. And most likely, this is what it'll be. And this is how life is, I guess. I think my takeaway is, no matter where we are in life, how "good" life is, or how much it looks like we have our shit together, we don't and we're not immune. Life happens. The world keeps spinning, we keep going about our day to day, because we have to.  Because adulting. And there are things that I need from Costco. But in the end, I'll work through these thoughts and feelings somehow. I'll channel this energy in some way. I'll pray about it. I'll call my mom. I'll probably cry. I'll run extra hard at the gym. But, this is life.

TWO!

Cora is TWO. That is a fact. And I am in disbelief. Until she throws herself dramatically on the floor in tears because [insert unreasonable thing to throw a tantrum over here]. But seriously, I can hardly wrap my head around the fact that I have a two year old... and a 5 year old about to head into Kindergarten, for that matter. And that there will be no more BABY babies in our house. No more newborns. Gosh that time goes by SO fast! 

Wasn't this YESTERDAY?

Cora just amazes me. Especially in the last few months she has really GROWN. She talks non-stop, sings, counts, can ask for what she wants, can TELL me what she wants... the list goes on. She is such a sassy little sweetheart and there is no one... NO ONE she loves more than her big brother, who we still refer to as "Baba." She loves taking him to school in the morning. Mostly because she loves to go into his classroom, all the kids and teachers greet her, she walks into their "library center," sits in the appropriately sized chair and reads. That girl LOVES to read and be read to. She then always gives him a giant hug goodbye and as she walks out the door, turns and says, "bye bye everyone!!!!" It is precious. She is precious. We always stick around outside so she can play with their outdoor kitchens and toys. When we go pick him up, she knows exactly where to go and greets him again with a giant hug, always VERY excited to see him! She really did win the big brother jackpot with Christian. He is so good to her. 

Some of her favorite TV shows at the moment are Paw Patrol and Team Umizoomi. That girl loves to count (hence why she loves Team Umizoomi)! She also loves Sesame Street; her favorite part is when the Count comes on. She can get to almost 20, only skipping a few numbers here and there. ;) Her favorite movie, hands down, is Moana. She sings along to most of the songs, and there is nothing more precious than her sweet voice. She's also pretty obsessed with Minions. 

Cora had her 2-year well baby checkup this week and she is on the upper end of the charts. She's very tall (92nd %stile) and weight is exactly proportionate to her height. It was a good easy checkup. I pray that ALL checkups, for both kids, will always be like that. 

Some of Cora's favorite activities are: looking through books, being read to, coloring (LOVES to color)... and then bringing me her artwork to proudly display on our fridge, riding her scooter (have you seen her scoot??), chasing chickens, going to the beach, not eating breakfast, walking to Mimi and Papa's house, not playing in snow, sorting and organizing (she IS a Willoughby, after all), stacking blocks, pushing her baby stroller, doing exactly what Christian is doing at the moment he is doing it, and cooking in her kitchen. She loves her Mimi and Papa, and loves her Nannie, which she had a blast with during her visit. I wish we could visit more often... or that Nannie would just move here. Retirement in Hawaii doesn't seem too bad, right??? ;) 

She loves to eat. Except breakfast. Totally stresses me out every morning. I need to let that go. Current favorite foods are: eggs (hardboiled or scrambled), meat... in any variety, but especially loves when Rob grills tri-tip, broccoli, poke, samples at Costco (all of them), strawberries, avocado, rice, and really anything we put in front of her. She's not too picky. [Praise hands emoji]. 

When I sit down to write and reflect on the past few years, despite all of our fertility struggles, I know I am so blessed. Just look at my two babies. What have I done to deserve them? To have the honor of being their mother?? Being Christian and Cora's mom is everything. Yes, I am in the trenches, and no I don't always feel so #blessed, but at the end of the day, I am so grateful. I am grateful that they're in bed and I'm grateful that they're mine. 

Happy Birthday, Cora Rose Noelani. You are loved by all who meet you, but especially by your daddy, mommy, and your big brother. You are a gift from God and our rainbow after the storm. We love you! 

birthday reflections

On Monday I turned 36, and it was a day filled with business as usual. I took Christian to school, where he announced to his class that it was my birthday and, "she's 36!!!" Cora and I went to Down to Earth, the local health food store, to grab our usual Powerful Protein smoothie that she loves. We walked down to Ross, and then to the Kapolei Aquarium... oh, also known as Petco. We said hi to the kitties that needed homes and pondered what Baxter would think of a new baby brother or sister (of the feline variety). We made our way into Cookies, a little clothing boutique and then to the end all be all, Target. In an amazing birthday feat, I walked out without purchasing one single thing. Rob was in ground school all day (captain upgrade!!!!), and we had kind of made plans for dinner, but since it would have been a late start out the house, I was just too pooped by the end of the day. Maybe tonight? I DID get treated to an amazing belated birthday brunch and mimosas and a delicious smelling lei by my friend, Lacy. I love this girl and am SO beyond sad she'll be leaving this summer.

My life, my loves, my heart.

I really feel like 35 was a monumental year. SO much happened. We traveled, I finally got to go on another trip with Rob, to Brisbane where I held a koala bear and fed kangaroos. There was the passing of a friend who was too young, and my aunt, also too young. I had to get my very first mammogram when I found a lump in my breast, and my doctor thought it better that I get it checked out. (All is ok!) I learned a lot about friendships that I thought couldn't be shaken, said goodbye to more friends that moved off island, made many wonderful new friends, and finally...FINALLY feel like I really found my niche on this side of the island. I am going to be the new president of the MOMS Club - Leeward chapter, which is ironic and exciting! I have a vision for this next season of MOMS Club and I am so excited to plug into my community even more. I'm hoping that Rob and I can meet other couples in the area and maybe find a bible study or small group we can join. We're still looking for a new church on this side of the island but have decided that Easter Sunday will be our last Sunday at our current church.

I love this man more than life itself! We will be celebrating 11 years of marriage at the end of the month!

This is my motto for 36! ;)

And more adventures!

Thank you all for the birthday love. I am looking forward to another year. I am praising God for our health, my marriage, my children, family, friends, and another year in the books.

Happy Aloha Good Friday!